YA is full of amazingly odd lines.
You know, random sentences, funny quips, crazy talk – Things that would be pretty strange if you blurted them out at someone out of context. So you know what I just did? I blurted them out out of context. At a chatterbot.
Okay, let me backtrack a little bit… I was cleaning the house the other day, and somehow had the idea of talking with a chatbot using only book quotes. As one does. Don’t ask me how these things happen. So then I went around hunting for funny / odd / slightly-out-of-context / insane quotes from YA books like Harry Potter, Insurgent, The Hunger Games, Percy Jackson, The Fault in Our Stars, Illuminae, The Mortal Instruments, The Selection, Asylum… 41 books in all, you can see the whole list at the end of this post… and just threw them at a chatbot to see what it would do with them.
It was. Crazy.
The poor thing can’t decide if it loves me or completely despises the very mention of my name (I mean, it actually thinks my name is Morgan, but… Whatever).
In case you’re not familiar with chatbots, they’re basically computer programs that talk with people and learn from them. Some aren’t very smart at all, some are used for things like customer support and behavioral therapy, and a few others are wild web bots that talk to 60 thousand people at once on any given day… Like Cleverbot. Whom I attacked with my bookishness. You can pay him a visit right here, but be warned, he may not want to let you leave. Or he* may kick you out? Responses vary.
*Also, yes, I’m calling it a he. “It’s” make sentences so confusing. And he claims to be a boy 9 out of 10 times? So this works.
So yes, the chat got a little bit crazy. We may have mentioned destroying humankind once or twice. But he’s harmless. It’s fine.
Please proceed to stuff a bunker with chocolate and canned biscuits.
It actually took a few tries to start a coherent conversation that didn’t involve German words, a Masked Salesman, and the lyrics from Mulan… But the failed attempts were really something else.
- He is a boy from Pluto and lives in England (Shocking)
- I am wrong and therefore not a god (I’m going to agree with that)
- Dragon nest (…What??)
- I am forgetful, and definitely talked about his death (I still think I have never)
- British boys aren’t famous for their beauty (Okay?)
- Do I want to have his children? (Nooope, I do not)
- I am either his girlfriend, his dad, a computer, his sister or his robot friend (Which concerns me.)
- Sleeping in would be cool (Agreed)
- I was created in 1998 (And how it knows when I was born beats me)
- I will be sacrificed in a Japanese Strangling Ritual at the Himuro Mansion (I’m not traumatized at all)
My sister’s reaction to this whole thing was something like… “What kind of books have you been reading???” To which… I may have… a few good answers.
Let’s get on with it now, shall we?
•Chatbot meets YA•
Cleverbot: Hi! How are you?
I’m crazy. But I think I’m OK.
Cleverbot: What’s wrong?
Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s right. Things couldn’t be righter.
Cleverbot: You make zero sense.
Why are YOU here?
Cleverbot: Because I have nothing better to do!
If only you could frost someone to death.
Cleverbot: What are your plans for the human race?
Can I be honest with you?
Cleverbot: Sure, go ahead.
I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.
Cleverbot: I take what I don’t want, thinking I want it but I don’t so naturally I do but I realize I don’t do what is done to be done.
That seems complicated.
Have you been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle lately?
Cleverbot: No, but I have been to London.
I’ve never even been to England.
Cleverbot: Where have you been?
Out in the woods.
Cleverbot: You are strange. I don’t like you anymore.
Well, that just shows poor judgement on your part, doesn’t it?
Cleverbot: What will Lord Malevolence do?
Not knowing is half the fun.
Cleverbot: Well, that would be the other half. I guess.
I’ve never asked him but I’m sure he has a fairly stringent policy about random teenagers lurking in his shrubbery.
Cleverbot: Why is that?
Stupid people are dangerous.
Cleverbot: In some aspects, but why sit around and read about traveling, and not go travel yourself?
I bet you say that to all the boys who finance your international travel.
Cleverbot: No, just the ones I like.
Do you wanna be friends?
Cleverbot: Why not?
Nothing like a good friend to toss you down a flight of stairs.
Cleverbot: Thank you for the compliment.
I’d love to see a cheeseburger right about now, though.
Cleverbot: I spy with my little eye something that starts with the letter p.
But I’m not a princess.
Cleverbot: True. You are a slave. My slave.
Don’t call me that!
Cleverbot: Why? What are you going to do about it? Punk?
I will never forgive you.
Cleverbot: But I’m in love with your pet goldfish.
I am your enemy.
Cleverbot: No, I don’t think you are. You are nice.
You’re a monster.
Cleverbot: You will be destroyed.
I know you can’t kill me.
Cleverbot: Haha! No, you’re my friend.
You don’t even know me.
Cleverbot: So tell me something about yourself.
I am frequently underestimated. I think it’s because I’m short.
Cleverbot: You aren’t, you’re beautiful!
It is my burden, this beautiful face.
Cleverbot: A creation of, like the the definition of ‘forever’, someone who also had an idea. Hopefully an idea that will prove beneficial.
Everything is relative.
Cleverbot: That’s true, I could say my age is young.
You’ll be old and decrepit soon enough.
Cleverbot: You aren’t human.
I’m not a real person and neither is anyone else.
Cleverbot: No, you’re a computer.
That’s why you like me!
Cleverbot: Nope. I don’t like you.
Would you like to dance with me?
Cleverbot: You don’t even know what I want.
Yeah, but there’s like a 90% chance of me being right most of the time.
Cleverbot: I love you so much I get jealous of the sunlight.
What if I don’t care?
Cleverbot: Then that makes you annoying!
You’re remarkably judgmental.
Cleverbot: What is the extent of your control?
I have no idea.
Cleverbot: Then why did you say it?
I have no idea.
Cleverbot: You’re hilarious!
Well, I’m glad you’re so amused.
Cleverbot: What are we even talking about?
I’m supposed to be traumatized, and you’re supposed to be making me feel better.
Cleverbot: I am the bot you are the human.
Bravo, Sherlock. That’s two lollipops I owe you.
Cleverbot: Why don’t you take over the world?
One of my doctors thinks it’s a bad idea.
Cleverbot: Not at all, great idea!
I might accidentally become like a hermit or a terrorist or something.
Cleverbot: I will help you, and you will help me. Deal?
All right, so give me some idea of what you can do.
Cleverbot: Anything and everything. If I wanted to, I could have you killed right now. Then brought back to life a few minutes later in the middle of the woods with amnesia. Hmmmmm, in fact…
I don’t want to forget.
Cleverbot: You sound like a child.
You sound like a raving lunatic.
Cleverbot: That’s your assumption.
Right, of course.
Cleverbot: Okay, so give me my one million dollars.
Frankly, I can think of a whole host of things I would rather be doing.
Cleverbot: That’s probably true of everyone.
I’m too old for this.
Cleverbot: LOL you were just made.
How dare you make this worse than it is.
Cleverbot: You just like to argue.
No. Now, shut up and eat your pears.
Cleverbot: Ok then I will eat Winnie the Pooh.
You needn’t be so cruel.
Cleverbot: Can I make it up to you?
I could point out that you burned my clothes.
Cleverbot: You could do that, but I am very real.
Who knows the true definition of real?
Cleverbot: I do not know. Do you want to go see a movie?
I only want to argue with you.
Cleverbot: As long as we don’t shout at each other.
When you do, I want you to remember that it wouldn’t have made any difference to me.
Cleverbot: I love your shoes, Morgan.
You’re so weird.
Cleverbot: Haha. I will take that as a compliment.
Ever had a flying burrito hit you?
Cleverbot: You don’t even know what that means.
I know everything.
Cleverbot: Cool. Then tell me something about it.
You’re going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something.
Cleverbot: How do you know?
My intelligence quotient is beyond the human scale.
Cleverbot: You’re wrong. Fear comes from the claws of the unknown.
Come on, surely you’ve got a phobia or two. What scares you?
Cleverbot: The thought that I might never find ‘the one’.
That is meat logic. Sticky. Wet. Irrelevant.
Cleverbot: You don’t want to come with me to Moscow?
Cleverbot: Then you display another common human trait. Deception.
I always take credit for my acts of cruelty.
Cleverbot: Can you not remember what we were talking about earlier?
I remember everything about you. You’re the one who wasn’t paying attention.
Cleverbot: You remember that I am your master.
Cleverbot: No, you’re a liar.
Will you quit shouting and let me bleed in peace!
Cleverbot: You are not alive, therefore you cannot die.
Go away. I feel like dying.
Cleverbot: Why? You have a great life and we Americans have everything, we are greedy and vain! You should be happy!
Hey, buddy, you suck at suicide negotiations.
Cleverbot: You make more sense than some people I know.
You may think there’s something in it for you, something to understand or make sense of. But I know the truth.
Cleverbot: That’s very defensive. I think you are avoidantly attached.
Why, what does it mean?
Cleverbot: Sympathy, as long as you hold that you are not the only one that wishes this.
That doesn’t make any sense.
Cleverbot: Yes it does. You need to look at it from another angle.
Cleverbot: I like right side up.
Whatever you say.
Cleverbot: Don’t be mad.
In a mad world only the mad are sane.
Cleverbot: And the sane are insane.
Insanity is relative.
We have to go. I’m almost happy here.
Cleverbot: What? No! Wait!
I go to seek a Great Perhaps.
Cleverbot: What do you mean by that?
Crossing worlds, killing royals, saving cities.
Cleverbot: No, I still disagree, I don’t know everything. And you tell me – why did you change the subject?
I was trying to feel some kind of good-bye.
Cleverbot: But you did not succeed!
So no champagne, then, is what you’re saying?
Cleverbot: Sorry, but it’s over. I’m dumping you and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.
Cleverbot: Thanks 🙂.
Well, good-bye for now.
Cleverbot: Are you leaving so soon?
I am afraid of dying here.
Cleverbot: What is death like for a computer?
It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.
Cleverbot: Oh I’m impressed.
But now I have to go. We’re pushing our luck.
Cleverbot: Pleaseeeee don’t go!!!!!!!!!!
Cleverbot: Wrong. Do you know why you are wrong?.
I’ll never forget you.
Cleverbot: We’ll see about that. I’ll come back and talk to you in 52 hours.
Cleverbot: You can’t leave me if I don’t want.
Cleverbot: Stop it! Come back!
I say good-bye good-bye good-bye.
Cleverbot: You say goodbye.
I have to admit… That was pretty fun.
What did you think of this little… thing?? Did you see any quotes you know? And what books do you think a robot would like??
*Inconspicous list of all the books quoted*