***Submissions are closed now, but you can see the finished post oooover here***
Well, this is a very improvised quick post.
Poor miserable thing. So small, yet so full of nonsense.
But let me explain what’s going on – the last two weeks have been crazy busy. I’ve been trying to get a new post up, but JUST CAN’T FIND THE TIME TO FINISH IT!! I’ll try again this weekend, so wish me luck, aaand while I leave you waiting, I thought I’d do a couple things:
First, you now have permission to steal biscuits from that tray over there. If you’ve been doing it already, you can relax, no dragons are burning you alive. People have been worried about this. So, we got that sorted out. SECOND, I have an odd request for you.
I want your spam comments.
Now, if I’ve been bugging you on Twitter, you may already know what this is about. If not, keeeep reading and you’ll be even more weirded out, in a very bullet-listy kinda way. Please, thank you, and you’re welcome.
- I’m writing a post with spam and sass in it.
- You can be in it. If you want.
- We’re not really setting stuff on fire, but if you want to scream “LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION”, I won’t judge.
- Singing and magic tricks are optional.
What it’ll actually look like:
- Hold your horses and worried looks, I’m giving you the sciency stuff.
- Spam comments = Annoying Uselessness
- Spam comments + Sense of Humor + Sassy Replies = Precious Gold + Getting Back at Spammers + Fun, Maybe + Unrestrained Possibly Dangerous Meaningless Stuff
- Ok, that’s not actually helpful, let me just… explain…
- The post will be a bunch of odd spam comments from our blogs, with replies from us, because we’re nice and we comment back. Except for this time, we’re sassy while we’re at it. So we dig up spam comments from our spam folder, write the reply they’ll never get, fake awe at our own genius, and that’s it, we’re done.
- I’ve written some of my own already, buuut I’d love to see what you make too, so you can just send me one or two or three, and I’ll put them in and link back to you.
- And here you go. A whole thread of demonstration. Click on it for the full stuff.
What you have to do now:
- Either screenshot or copy-paste your most sass-able spam comments.
- Don’t have any right now? Just you wait, they’ll be there in two days.
- If you’ve never seen your spam comments (I was shocked when I found out mine existed), just check the “Comments” tab in your WordPress dashboard. Then take a deep breath and look for “Spam”. It’ll be in there, somewhere.
- If you screenshot the comments, make sure your tab is narrower than full screen, or they’ll be all fuzzy and unreadable!! I’ve made this mistake. It’s a bad mistake.
- Remember spam’s deleted automatically after 15 days. This is now or never.
- Once you have your spam, write a nice witty, sassy, salty or funny reply to it. The crazier the better. Don’t hold punches back.
- Theeeen you send it to me – in the comments, on Twitter, on Discord, by email, or in this handy form I just made for ya. BAM.
When this odd thing is actually happening:
- I have no clue.
- Turns out most people obliterate spam fast, so it depends on when I get enough of them from you lovely people. I have 3 right now (THANK YOU KRISTEN!!), plus my own.
- If you submit any, you’ll get a ping when the post is up. Plus a box of imaginary chocolates.
- So you can just… Send some whenever. Until I write “OKAY, THIS IS CLOSED NOW” on top of the post. Then it’s too late and the world ends. Maybe. Okay, it doesn’t, we’re fine.
Have you ever read your spam comments? And… how are you?? I’m okay. Not dead at all. Just fine. *collapses*