A Call To Arms

*Taps the mic* Is this thing on? No? Okay, we don’t need it, I’ll just scream from the top of this statue.

Here’s the thing. This isn’t a regular post, and in a couple days, it’ll have disappeared from the face of the planet. But some stuff needs to be known right now. So if you’re reading this, know that I’m not dead, nor have I been kidnapped, and this isn’t serious at all, BUT STILL I NEED THY HELP, FOR THE LOVE OF PANCAKES.

Hope you could hear that from the back. Yeah, you in that corner. Hi.

Anyway, as the responsible and sensible blogger I am, I got into a bet with a dangerous German criminal. Which is trouble. Excuse me while I dump my problems on you.

I’ll tell you about this bet like a boxing commentator would, to keep you from dozing off, because that’d be bad for someone’s business, totally not mine, I have no issue with naps, here it goes.

SO ON ONE SIDE, with the leather jacket, swoopy hair, and a slice of pizza he won’t share, we have the sarcastic, self deprecatingly cocky, and honestly unbearable Alex McHotstuff. You can see him growl as I say his name. Or is that supposed to be a smirk? I can’t tell. He’s having *some* reaction, we can analyze that later.

After a few years of unsuccessful criminal attempts, he made a big black market move to get his blog on the self hosted train, and lost all his followers, while gaining the fame of being… Funny? Annoying? Let’s go with both.

ON THE OTHER SIDE, with nothing but a cheeky personality and whatever it takes to charm crazy people, we have me. A… Wild person. Who is kind of stuck in her completely secret follower count goal for the year.

The challenge??? To get the other weirdo 100 new followers, or the most followers by the end of the day. Makes sense? Makes sense.

So this is where you, my awesome dark army of dragon riders, come in, because I need to get this gangster more followers than he gets me, or else be indebted to his criminal network for a week.

And you know, I already have my own mafia and kingdom to manage… Don’t want to get involved in whatever weird stuff he’s doing… Debt is bad. Etc. So this is my official call to arms/desperate plea/attempt at ice cream bribery, no I’m not crying, you are.

I’ll go ahead and drop a little link here to this guy’s disturbing criminal confessions, and then you can like, scroll to the bottom and follow his blog, or something. To save my dignity. I thank you dearly.

Okay, I’ll be quiet now, let the battle begin. *insert strange war cry here*


UPDATE

After very little thinking, I decided not to erase this post from existence, because, funsies. So let me tell you how the battle played out instead… 

WE HAVE PREVAILED AND DEFEATED THE ENEMY. Your brave fighting will forever be remembered as the thing that gave Alex a concussion, and made him forget my name. Besides having my appreciation, you can now treat yourself to his grumpiness and personal attacks on my sleep cycle.

If you still want to follow Alex, I can confirm that he’s still funny, and still very annoying, so best of luck in your quest. And please have some chocolate. You’ve earned it.

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